Everytime a relative or a family member asks about you..
I have to put up a brave front and lie..

I want it all back..

Went to the neighbourhood pasar malam.. and walked past the cup corn stall.
I was reminded of the time you bought me a cup to my place during the time you visited when i was sick.. and how you fed me just so i would eat something..

As i waited for my bus home..
I'm reminded of all our bus rides, how we use to cuddle and snuggle..

Thoughts.

It is like dejavu all over again, except that this time is way harder.
I honestly had expected such things to happen, but i was at the midst of fixing things up.. I really have myself to blame. I brought this upon myself. What was magical, brilliant, amazing was destroyed by all the little things that ever built up between.
I know we should never regret in life, but face it.. it is inevitable. Hence, this is by far the worst i ever regretted. It will be a month soon. It hurts inside, no matter how hard, how tough i put up a strong and brave front. All those fake emotions, it is no different from being a con artist.

I miss many stuffs. How we used to blog regularly and shared with each other.. and stuffs like that.
Especially on the videos i compiled into youtube before i entered army. I mean, that was the tear jerker. I burst into a complete waterfall, with no ending. I miss everything.

I reflected. I remorsed. I understood. I regretted.
But that is the past, and i want it to be put behind so that i could start all over with you, anew, afresh.
I realised, how important 'forever' is, and i will make it happen. We still have so much to do. So much.. to accomplish together, to die together, to live together forever after.

I.. have so much to share with you.

This is not the end.
We all have this very bad human habits..

.. that

We only appreciate when the it's gone or going to.
I hate this about humans. I don't like that.

It just so occured to me that i'm a victim.
Reading through my blog posts.. Reminded me of so many things. So many beginnings, so much promise and brightness. But it all boils down to this. I don't want to blame it on 'Shit Happens' but i have to. I deserve what i get.
Now that i have the time in the world without you, i realise that this isn't how i want to spend my precious time on.. that, i'd rather spend it with you, no matter how difficult it is for the simplest fact that it is worthwhile in the end.

Since you insist. Then i do believe that i can, that it is not impossible to win you back.

Oh my goodness.
When was the last i touched this blog..

Well, i'm alive and good.
Lots of stuff happened. The good and the bad. I don't know how to start this sucks.
Till next time.. ):

I finally set my heart to do a post.
Roller coaster past few weeks.. Though not much complain about NS, certain things are still a pain in the ass. Other than that things are ok.

It's tough, to balance my own emotion and to deal with yours. I know it's my duty to ensure you are happy, but everything just seem so difficult. This is my dessert, my karma, whatever you call it. Sometimes i just scroll through our picture and feel horrible, for we once had beautiful faces and pictures, and not now. I miss it, just as you do. I feel bad, guilty, for treating you like this. I failed. I don't know what to do, how to claim myself to make it up to you. Fed up. I don't know.. I just hope things improve and get better. We've walked this far and i'm certainly hoping it won't stop. I love you baby. I love you.

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU WILL ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER